How to Kill A Monster

I was going to start off my first post with a recap of the first episode, "The Haunted Mask," but that would mean I have to set up my VHS to the TV and rewind the tape, and...

Instead, I chose a random DVD and chose a random episode from that disc. So to nobody's surprise, "How to Kill A Monster" receives the honor of being my first victim!

Quick Summary (From Wikipedia)

Gretchen and Clark stay at their grandparents house in the middle of a swamp that has a monster locked in a room.

What I Remember from this Episode

I think a lot of parts of the episode stay loyal to the book. The episode itself isn't bad but I remember that the "monster" looked so fake. Geez. I know it's a kid's show on a low budget but it's so obvious the monster is made out of plastic. Lol.

What Happens In this Episode...

The episode begins with some quick shots of a swamp, with some southern-ish guitar music playing the background. We then see a taxi cab, dropping off Gretchen and Clark, the main characters of the episode. Right away, Clark begins acting like a drama queen, whining about everything - the mosquitoes, Gretchen's grandparents, his acting skills...

Eventually, Gretchen finds a sign that leads them to her grandparents house. Once they arrive to the house, they knock, but no one answers. For some odd reason, the front door is unlocked, so the kids rush inside when they hear strange noises coming from the swamp.

Once inside, they call out to her grandparents, but no one answers. Clark then bumps into an alligator head on the wall and freaks out. So they decide to head upstairs. Since they know viewers will forget the kids are at a swamp, more southern-style music plays as Gretchen and Clark head upstairs and argue about how their parents should never have gotten married (Gretchen and Clark are step-siblings). Yeah whatever, no one cares. 

Once upstairs, Gretchen reaches up to open the doorknob when... Grandma Rose startles Clark! After introductions, she leads them downstairs to eat some gumbo. But before they leave, we get a quick glimpse of what is inside the room... A plastic monster hand falls out of a bed sheet! Oh no!

As they eat some gross looking gumbo, Gretchen and Clark can't handle the heat and spiciness of the gumbo. Eventually the creepy grandfather walks in and the family eats together. As they eat, Gretchen and Clark hear a noise from upstairs. The grandparents act suspicious and quickly say that it's nothing and not to worry about it, as they fake to laugh. Clark pulls a Fox Mulder on us and explains some theory about radioactive frogs or something. 

After the incident at dinner, Gretchen is laying on her bed, and we are shown some irrelevant scenes of bubbling swamp water. Gretchen decides to get a glass of water and as she walks out into the hall, she bumps into her wide-eyed, creepy grandfather. Soon Grandma Rose comes along and they both blatantly lie to her about not worrying about any noises she hears, and not to go into the room she hears noises from, as a bookshelf could fall on her.

The next scene, shows Gretchen putting some clothes away as someone watches her from the doorway. If this were Law and Order, it would probably have been her grandfather watching her put her clothes away, but alas, it is not. Gretchen opens the door and is scared by Clark, who put the alligator head on his own. He runs away and Gretchen chases after him. So she chases him up a staircase and almost falls when she reaches the top because for some odd reason the stairway is cut off. 

So she runs back down and opens the door that leads to the forbidden room. She thinks Clark is hiding underneath a blanket in the room, so she removes the blanket and finds a... Monster! She screams and bumps into Clark in the hall. She tells him she saw a monster, but proving he is not Fox Mulder, he doesn't believe her. They both go into the room and discover the room is empty. Gretchen is confused as to how the monster isn't there and as they look out the window, they discover her weird grandparents riding away in a motorcycle. They then hear a noise... Turn around and see the Monster roaring at them!

After narrowly escaping, Gretchen has an idea and leads Clark and the Monster up the stairs to the end of the "cut off" staircase. The Monster falls and lays still on the ground. Using this as an opportunity to escape, Gretchen and Clark try to leave the house. They soon discover that their grandparents have locked them in. Great grandparents... After running into the kitchen, they find a letter explaining to the kids not to open the door because there is a monster inside. Soon, the Monster interrupts and Gretchen and Clark lock the door. Gretchen has an idea and decides to make super-spicy gumbo to try and kill the monster.

Once the super spicy gumbo is completed, Gretchen and Clark hide in the cupboard. The Monster gulps down the gumbo and falls to the ground with smoke coming out of his mouth. Gretchen wants to check if the Monster is alive, so as she looks at the lifeless body, Clark startles her. That brat! >_<

They run to the cellar and attempt to escape through some coal chute or something. Once again, Clark and Gretchen argue over their family issue, but the Monster interrupts. Clark helps Gretchen climb up and she reaches down to try and help Clark climb up with her. But unfortunately, Clark is being cornered by the Monster. He tries to punch the Monster, but his hand goes into the Monsters mouth and both Clark and Gretchen give off some bored screams. The Monster then lets go of his hand and begins to sneeze. before ultimately falling. 

To assure the viewer that the Monster won't be coming back to life for the millionth time, the Monster explodes, spraying Gretchen and Clark in some goo. Once outside, Clark apologizes to Gretchen for being a drama queen and suggests that Gretchen read the letter her grandparents left. She doesn't find anything to help her, but Clark notices there is something written on the back. Ummm... WTF? They barely see that now?

After reading the back of the letter, her grandparents explain that they locked them into the house so that they don't wander into the swamp, where there are more monsters. Gretchen and Clark look around the swamp scared. For some reason, rather than going back to the house while there is still some daylight out, Gretchen and Clark stay in the exact same spot until night-time, where they hear the strange noises coming from the swamp...

Differences from the Book

In the book, Gretchen and Clark had a dog I believe. There was no dog in this episode.

Funny Quotes

• Clark: "Looks like Grandma Rose put too much hot sauce in your gumbo!"
• Gretchen reading the letter: "Dear Gretchen and Craig..."; Clark: "It's Clark!"
• Gretchen mocking Clark: "It's gonna eat us, it's gonna eat us!"

WTF Moments

• Gretchen's creepy grandfather putting his finger in Clark's gumbo and licking his finger afterwards... Just ewww!
• The monster sounded more like an elephant than a monster...
• A cooking montage 
• The exploding Monster

Mind-Blown

If the Monster was allergic to humans, why was he chasing after Gretchen and Clark? O.o

Stupid Characters

Why don't these kids listen to their grandparents?!?

And the Oscar Goes to...

Gretchen! Both kids were pretty bad, but what would the film industry be without someone who puts the least effort into looking scared?

Conclusion
Okay... Not a terribly bad episode, but dreadful acting definitely makes it one of the least repeat worthy. If I had to listen to Clark's whining or Gretchen's acting once again... Feed me to the Swamp Monster!